Member Jessica Rexroat (Attending Since 2004)

The story of my path to finding Christ is one of my favorite stories to tell! It is quite a journey. The seeds of the knowledge of Christ and his love were planted as a child. I was raised in a Christian family, a devout Catholic father and an equally devout Protestant mother. On my mother’s side I had a grandfather who was a preacher and an uncle who was also a preacher.

The family started a very successful church in southern Indiana. My father is a dedicated Catholic; he was actually in the seminary studying to become a priest when he met my mother. Between the two, my siblings and I were well educated on faith, church and God. I was sent to a Catholic Jr. High and High school. Ultimately it was up to each child to decide what faith they wanted to follow. I drifted to the Protestant faith of my mother and have called myself a Christian through my entire life.  Later I would learn that I had been lying to myself and to others — that I didn’t know what I was saying.

My trials in life began young. Beginning at a very young age and stretching over several years I was molested by a family member. I said nothing at the time and carried the secret with me into my teen years. As I entered my teen years I began dealing with emotions that seemed to overwhelm me. I didn’t know I was dealing with depression at the time. This was the 80’s and depression in teens was not something that was talked about or often recognized as a problem. I continued to identify myself as a Christian. I attended church regularly and church activities, buy my heart was filled with turmoil. I began to argue with my parents and draw away from them.

Eventually I began “cutting” or what is now called self-mutilating. I didn’t know how to cope with the anger, rage and depression I was feeling. I didn’t even know those were the emotions I was dealing with. I just knew I felt a world of turmoil, hurt and confusion. I began seeking the attention of boys to help fill the whole I felt in my life and to find the understanding and love I thought I was missing. At 15 I gave myself over completely to the boys and soon discovered that their attention didn’t fill the void either.

At 18, right after High School graduation , I discovered I was pregnant. So, at 18 in March of 1993 I became a parent. Not long after the birth of my daughter I was admitted to a mental hospital for depression. I spent just under a week there and was released. Almost a year after the birth of my daughter I moved out of my parents’ house and into an apartment with my boyfriend (not the biological father of my daughter). I attempted to attend college, work full time, and be a teen parent. I had completely ended my ties with the church and my church family. However, if asked I would have said I was a Christian and that I believed in God. The void in my heart continued to grow.

Nearly two years after my daughter’s birth , I was again admitted to a mental hospital. I was then diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depressive Disorder). I had been cutting since high school and my mental state had been slowly deteriorating . I began medication at that time. Still, during this time the church was absent from my life. That second admission to the hospital began a period of my life that stretched nearly eight years. I was hospitalized at total of five times, had to receive stitches twice due to my self inflicted injuries, and took numerous types of medication for my illness. I married and divorced three times in this period.

I gave my daughter to my parents who took over custody of her. I knew I was not capable of being a parent to her.  It was the most hear wrenching decision I have ever made in my life. I continued seeking fulfillment and healing everywhere I could, except God. I was as lost as I could possibly be.

My baby sister began speaking to me about returning to God during this period. She became my friend. She was always loving, always understanding and always encouraging me one way or another toward God. In 2001 I moved back in with my parents.

My daughter and I shared a bed and began our healing. My sister was still living at home and our relationship also began to grow. She continued her gentle love and regular talks of God and faith.

In 2002 I began dating a man I had previously dated and that had been in my life since high school. I discovered I was pregnant in June of 2003.  We married in August. We bought a house around the corner from my parents’ home.

I had begun attending church with my sister and as time went on I could feel my heart changing. I was baptized at “The Vine” service held at Southeast Christian on Sept. 26, 2004. It one of my dearest memories. I knew I had literally been transformed, I knew I was now a new person. I walked away from that event feeling like a newborn. I was filled with joy and wonder. I was filled with love and hope. My life completely changed in the most dramatic, blessed way. I look back and I am still amazed and moved by the transformation, by the knowledge that God truly said you are “new,” you are saved. I walked away from that dark, pain filled past. I understood that to my Father that history was gone. I was born to Him now.  My life began that day.

I had attended Sojourn with my sister several times at this point. As my faith grew and my relationship with God grew Sojourn became my home. Since my baptism, the healing and growth have continued. I have a beautiful marriage and my wonderful children. I have been medication free for over three years and have had no issues with the bipolar. I long to tell people of Christ’s redemptive love and forgiveness. I want to tell them that the idea of a new life in Christ is not figurative. I am desperate to share the knowledge of his depthless healing and understanding . I want to say that there is a better life, a better way. I can say that it isn’t always an easy life, and that sadness and pain will be present but our Father gives us an endless fount of love, comfort and support to use when those things arise. Sometimes it is a fight, but the victories are sweet and we are not sent to battle empty handed. And if we fall our Father is there to forgive us.